Herbal Hell
by greywolfheir
Summary: A Crowley/Aziraphale Teashop!AU and Human!AU as requested for a "fic war" AKA "kill each other with feels" so this IS considered a tragedy


Author's Note at the bottom because of spoilers! Enjoy :D

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Herbal Arrangements.

_Herbal Arrangements_.

More like Herbal Can-You-Be-More-Annoyingly-Quaint.

The day Crowley began work in Herbal Hell (oh there were plenty more, all spawned out of complete hatred and boredom) was the day he most regretted. Honestly, why did it even occur to him to work in a bloody tea shop? It wasn't even _close_ to his area of expertise. He could count the types of teas he knew on one hand (that curled into a big circle). Sure, he lived in London, but he was more of a coffee person. But work was work and money was money, and as long as the teas had labels on them, it wasn't hard to boil some plants in a cup.

The people, however, the _people_ were effing _insane_. Half looked like they'd just smoked a special plant and now decided to drink one. The other half were dithering old ladies, some of whom had died and now possessed various younger people. Crowley may have approved of the rebellion of the first half, but he preferred the latter. At least dithering old ladies were all the same, even if they looked different, because at least they didn't go completely psychotic for no reason. The best—or at least most interesting—old lady (now possessing the body of some poor young man) was, well, _interesting_.

"Hello dear, I'm Aziraphale," he said as he walked through the door one afternoon. Crowley groaned inwardly without even looking up. "Dear"? Really? Who says that? Oh yeah, dithering old ladies who _introduced themselves as they walked in_. At any rate, Crowley couldn't help but ask:

"Aziraphale? Never heard that one before."

"It's the name of an angel."

"That's great," Crowley said with fake enthusiasm. He regretted starting the conversation already. "May I take your order?"

"Oh yes, I'll just have a cup of cocoa, please. Nothing in it either, my dear."

Crowley held back a sigh of relief. Not a crazy blend of weird teas. "Coming right up, _angel_."

Crowley had just finished the cocoa and handed it to Aziraphale when the guy said, "You know, Crowley isn't exactly common either."

Crowley, caught off-guard, finally looked up at the guy, and was thrown even more off-guard. Oh. This guy actually looked…pretty nice. His eyes were an electric blue that would have been creepy if they weren't so happy and warm. The light reflected nicely off of his curled blond hair. And his _smile_ was actually really cute (not that Crowley would ever say that word out loud), because it was a tiny, insecure one that was basically just the quirk of the corner of his mouth that involved the ducking of his head as well. It took Crowley a second to realize that Aziraphale had said something to him, but it took a second to get _askhsdgjl_ to form into, "W-wha?"

"You said you've never heard of Aziraphale before," the guy explained patiently. "Well_, I've_ never heard of someone being called Crowley before."

"It's-it's," Crowley coughed, getting his thoughts back in order and forcing himself to be coherent. "It's my last name. I like it better than my first."

"What is your first name exactly, dear?" The big blue eyes didn't give any room for deflection.

"Tony—Anthony," Crowley responded, chiding himself for acting like a twelve-year-old.

"Oh, but I love the name Anthony," Aziraphale said with another smile. With the way Aziraphale said his name, Crowley had to agree that he liked it too.

"Right, well anyway, here's your tea," Crowley said, practically shoving the cup into Aziraphale's hands.

"Oh, thank you, dear," Aziraphale said sweetly. "It was nice meeting you Anth—Crowley."

"You too, angel." Crowley said the nickname with a more flirtatious intent this time. The smile that Aziraphale returned looked genuine enough for Crowley to realize that he hadn't caught the tone.

Aziraphale sat at the table in the far corner that Crowley could only see when he was turned around making teas. Every time Crowley did so, he would just see a mass of blond curls bent over, intently reading a book. He didn't think he'd ever seen anyone read so diligently—the cocoa was hardly touched. Then, as Crowley began cleaning up for closing time, Aziraphale gently shut the book and left.

It was like that for weeks like clockwork. Aziraphale always ordered a cup of cocoa, read his book, and then leave just at closing time. Crowley would sometimes flirt with him—a wink here, an innuendo there—but Aziraphale would just respond kindly and obliviously. One day, Crowley gathered up the courage (borne out of the boredom of a slow day) to sit at Aziraphale's table. He looked up with a confused expression, as if he'd forgotten he was still in this world.

"Hi, er, sorry to bother you, but I just wanted to ask, um, what you were reading," Crowley said _way_ less smoothly than he'd hoped.

"Oh!" Aziraphale said like he was excited someone was actually talking to him about books, "It's _The Importance of Being Earnest_ by Wilde. He's my favorite. Have you ever heard of it before?"

"Vaguely," Crowley said, which was a mistake, because Aziraphale went on to explain the play ("without spoilers, mind!") and all its background.

"Oh no, I'm boring you, aren't I, dear?" Aziraphale said when Crowley had begun to look at the door, willing a customer to come through. Aziraphale sounded so worried that Crowley snapped his head back and was met with large, sad blue eyes and Aziraphale biting his lip.

"No, no, I liked, uh, that Earnest guy," Crowley said, running a hand through his hair guiltily. At least Aziraphale brightened up a bit at that.

"Really? Which one?"

"Er, the…Earnest one." Aziraphale's face fell again. Time for a subject change. "Look, it's fine. I don't mind if someone gets a little passionate about a few things—it's nice to see people happy for once. Anyway, I was wondering if you would want to go out for coffee sometime."

"You mean tea?" Aziraphale asked, looking around pointedly.

"Oh right, I mean would you mind if I joined you one day?"

"Aren't you doing that now?" There was nothing suspicious in Aziraphale's eyes, but Crowley felt very much that he was being teased.

Crowley sighed. "Right …would you mind if we did this again sometime?"

It must have finally kicked in for Aziraphale, because he perked up. "Oh, I think I would like that very much. But…don't you have to work?"

"It's called taking a break, angel," Crowley said smoothly.

"Oh of course," Aziraphale said. "Then I look forward to it."

Crowley grinned, glad something actually went right. "I'll see you tomorrow, then."

Crowley became the fastest working employee for the next month. He would always be completely finished cleaning up just in time for his last break and then he would sit and talk to Aziraphale until customers came. They would talk for hours and soon they started talking past closing time. Their conversations were never dull, even when Aziraphale rambled on about the next book he was reading. He was actually pretty funny in his own, oblivious way, and when Crowley laughed, he would always blush and duck his head. It was one of the most adorable things Crowley had ever seen, so Crowley tried to instigate the reaction as much as possible. Soon they got close enough that Crowley admitted his secret love for plants.

"Plants?" Aziraphale asked with a sly smile. He was wearing one of his dorky sweater-vests that Crowley made fun of him for (but secretly loved).

"Hey, don't laugh at me," Crowley said immediately. "They don't need much care, so I can be lazy and it's not like I know everything about them. I just…have a lot in my apartment."

"I wasn't laughing, dear," Aziraphale said, but he was laughing as he said it, so it wasn't helping his case. "I kind of like it."

"Really?" Crowley asked with a little more hope than he'd intended.

"Yes, I like a lot about you," Aziraphale said. He then looked like he realized what he'd said, and he blushed.

"Well, that's good, because…I like a lot about you too, angel" Crowley responded, causing Aziraphale to blush deeper. He looked out the window and realized that it had gone dark.

"Oh, it's late!" he exclaimed, jumping up and gathering his things.

"You have somewhere you need to be?" Crowley asked, also standing up.

Aziraphale slowed down and set his stuff down. "Well, no, not really. Not for another hour."

"Good," Crowley said, stepping closer and grabbing Aziraphale's hand. It was shaking. "Then I still have time to do this."

He leaned in and kissed Aziraphale. It was a sweet kiss, and Aziraphale, though confused at first, melted into it eventually, clutching lightly at Crowley's sides. It didn't last long but Crowley was just happy it finally happened. When they pulled away, Aziraphale still looked a little surprised.

"Oh," he breathed.

"Oh," Crowley responded with a smile.

"That was…nice." Aziraphale returned the smile.

"Yeah, it was." Crowley couldn't help but grin from ear to ear.

"Um, I should still probably…go," Aziraphale said, looking for all the world like that was the last thing he wanted.

"Right, well, I don't want to make you late."

"Right," Aziraphale said, stepping back and gathering his things again. He was almost to the door when he turned around and with a smile, said, "Goodbye, my dear."

"I'll see you tomorrow, angel," Crowley said. Aziraphale's smile widened and a light blush came across his cheeks before he turned again and left.

Crowley immediately jumped up to work on cleaning up. He whistled for the first time in a long time. He almost danced but caught himself because that would have been too far. He felt on top of the world and like he could float on the air. Yeah, it was cheesy, but he didn't really care, because he'd just _kissed Aziraphale_. Not only that but it was like everything he'd hoped for and more. Crowley could hardly—

The sound of screeching tires and a scream tore him out of his thoughts. He dropped the broom he was holding and sprinted out to help. The scene he was met with involved a bus with interesting red streaks, the bus driver rushing off his bus, and a woman running across the street, even if she looked like she was in hysterics. The woman dropped to the ground, drawing Crowley's attention to…oh. So that's what the red streaks were from. Someone was lying on the ground, having been hit by the bus. There was blood everywhere.

Crowley's hands were shaking as he made his way closer. He didn't know why he felt so strange. Accidents happen every day and it wasn't like he knew any of these people. And then the woman moved and he saw a dorky sweater-vest—

No.

—then curled blond hair—

_No_.

—and finally brilliant blue, lifeless eyes.

_NO!_

Crowley dropped to his knees, his world crumbing down around him.

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Author's Note: I just want to say...I'M SO SORRY BUT THIS IS WAR. It actually pained me to write that ending! I've never written fluff that turns into angst before so it was a strange but great experience for me as a writer. I'm also of thinking of writing a longer, more complex Teenage!AU instead of just having the boring, typical adult teashop AU, and that should be coming as either another chapter to this or as it's own separate story. I'm not sure...but I'll keep you updated!


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